Incompetence and Incontinence

A quick update for you all from me in Paris. I promise to write often and upset you all with my tales….

The flight over defies words it was so ghastly. My TV screen didn’t work on the leg from Melbourne to Hong Kong so I sat there hour after 10 hours staring at a black screen. When I got onto the 2nd leg Hong to Paris we were informed we had to wait 1.5 hours on the tarmac because two ***** had arrived late for the flight and their luggage had been removed and was now being put back on the plane. But we had missed our takeoff slot and had to wait for clearance to leave.  Happily the air-con was dysfunctional and the temperature in the cabin was about 35 degrees celsius.  By this time my seat had become saturated by a running river of water from the faulty air-con and I had to be moved. But the plane was so full the only avail seat was wedged between two fat men spilling out their seats up the back. The toilets had become blocked and the whole plane stank of faeces – only for 14 hours though- and we all had to put hankies over our noses. Some filthy male behind me kept clearing his adenoids loudly every ten minutes for the whole flight.

Cathay Pacific. Appalling!

In Paris I caught a taxi with a charming black driver from Antibes who was so sweet he almost made up for the voyage over – except for the stench of faeces that was still in my nostrils.

Paris is gorgeous. Light, sunny, fine, busy, chic. I am in my hotel off Les Champs Elysees – been awake since 3 am (but fell asleep at 2pm yesterday after a long bath so can’t complain…) and am waiting for the shops to open so I can faire un top-up for my French mobile phone. I bought a cheap phone in France a few years ago and just do a top up of credit on the SIM card each time I arrive in France every year.  The nuisance is I have to get a new phone number each time as they won’t allow you to keep the same number  if you have let your credit expire for longer than 6 months.

I am then off to follow in the footsteps of the French Revolution – something I have always meant to do but haven’t yet. But first I have to write a note to Les Femmes de Chambres (the housemaids) as I had an embarassing accident in bed last night…. I fell asleep in bed with a piece of chocolate in my gob and the packet open at 2 pm yesterday. I awoke this morning to a melted mound of what looks SO like poo in the bed. I have been trying to get the stain out but now it looks worse. You would swear I had shat the bed. I am writing a note now to the housekeeping to let them know that I am not incontinent.     “Je ne suis pas incontinente – ce n’est que du chocolat…….”

Must dash – have to find Les Cordeliers, les Feuillants, Les Jacobins and le Temple.

2 responses to “Incompetence and Incontinence

  1. An excellent cautionary tale for every young woman thinking of dropping French. It’s just not enough to be able to say thank you and I’d like a cheese and ham sandwich please. Loving this! Michelle

  2. Pingback: Oh No! Help! | Travel Tips in France·

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